I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
