Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(315): View more from New York

Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.

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(315): Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win. http://tfl.nu/wty0

Replies (66) Good night (2095) Bad night (835)
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(518): View more from New York

I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.

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(518): I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room. http://tfl.nu/qe4u

Replies (22) Good night (6706) Bad night (1056)
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(508): View more from Massachusetts

just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over

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(508): just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over http://tfl.nu/74b2

Replies (29) Good night (21622) Bad night (1080)
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(973): View more from New Jersey

hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination

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(973): hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination http://tfl.nu/nh5d

Replies (17) Good night (928) Bad night (3741)
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(845): View more from New York

The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.

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(845): The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor. http://tfl.nu/klg7

Replies (5) Good night (3935) Bad night (1472)
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(404): View more from Georgia

You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.

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(404): You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal. http://tfl.nu/0da6

Replies (40) Good night (1252) Bad night (4030)
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(225): View more from Louisiana

i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper

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(225): i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper http://tfl.nu/01yr

Replies (16) Good night (4053) Bad night (1560)
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(916): View more from California

You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.

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(916): You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you. http://tfl.nu/ukeu

Replies (4) Good night (720) Bad night (1743)
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(775): View more from Nevada

Nobody in the ambulance liked me...

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(775): Nobody in the ambulance liked me... http://tfl.nu/5rji

Replies (11) Good night (851) Bad night (1735)
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(517): View more from Michigan

First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.

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(517): First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness. http://tfl.nu/gw3t

Replies (7) Good night (2740) Bad night (579)
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(423): View more from Tennessee

The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.

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(423): The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups. http://tfl.nu/v1g8

Replies (1) Good night (2540) Bad night (483)
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(317): View more from Indiana

It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.

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(317): It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion. http://tfl.nu/z4as

Replies (5) Good night (1074) Bad night (641)
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(218): View more from Minnesota

my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.

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(218): my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor. http://tfl.nu/6k19

Replies (2) Good night (966) Bad night (409)
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(410): View more from Maryland

Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.

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(410): Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface. http://tfl.nu/w1ur

Replies (7) Good night (2246) Bad night (513)
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(318): View more from Louisiana

i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?

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(318): i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option? http://tfl.nu/dgzq

Replies (3) Good night (327) Bad night (553)

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