Texts From Last Night

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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"

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  (402): apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy" http://tfl.nu/lm9p
  Replies (20) Good night (5369) Bad night (816)
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  (353): View more from

  I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing

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  (353): I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing http://tfl.nu/a43r
  Replies (41) Good night (5658) Bad night (1849)
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  (217): View more from Illinois

  you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...

  (1-217): View more from Illinois

  please don't ever take me to a strip club again...

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  (217): you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals... (1-217): please don't ever take me to a strip club again... http://tfl.nu/2ds8
  Replies (29) Good night (6021) Bad night (1734)
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  (813): View more from Florida

  Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.

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  (813): Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials. http://tfl.nu/g3k6
  Replies (22) Good night (1308) Bad night (1894)
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  (406): View more from Montana

  Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.

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  (406): Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick. http://tfl.nu/xla1
  Replies (6) Good night (2067) Bad night (827)
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  (407): View more from Florida

  I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.

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  (407): I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye. http://tfl.nu/cusq
  Replies (2) Good night (2134) Bad night (680)
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  (913): View more from Kansas

  Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.

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  (913): Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well. http://tfl.nu/px83
  Replies (4) Good night (1142) Bad night (672)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style

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  (248): There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style http://tfl.nu/z785
  Replies (5) Good night (2098) Bad night (644)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me

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  (215): Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me http://tfl.nu/zwz8
  Replies (7) Good night (691) Bad night (981)
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  (312): View more from Illinois

  Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.

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  (312): Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag. http://tfl.nu/6eu4
  Replies (2) Good night (893) Bad night (508)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle

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  (570): Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle http://tfl.nu/qz61
  Replies (2) Good night (958) Bad night (294)
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  (209): View more from California

  He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.

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  (209): He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well. http://tfl.nu/cgxn
  Replies (5) Good night (381) Bad night (616)
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  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder

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  (918): I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder http://tfl.nu/ny3a
  Replies (0) Good night (400) Bad night (363)
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  (323): View more from California

  Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis

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  (323): Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis http://tfl.nu/u0al
  Replies (3) Good night (487) Bad night (231)
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  (727): View more from Florida

  all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was

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  (727): all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was http://tfl.nu/9gyk
  Replies (1) Good night (722) Bad night (166)

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