dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??