so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
You pole danced in your parka.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Randomize
