and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?