I could make wine with my vomit
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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