You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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