He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
