Where did you get a picture of my penis
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
