Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
