I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
