Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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