just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
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I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
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His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
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