Just cropdusted the office
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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