time to smoke my breakfast
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
