i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
