Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
