i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
