Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
