real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I believe in your delicious
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
