Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
