i would punch a child for taco bell
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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