as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
