I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
