What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
