i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
