He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
