I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
