i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Let's paint friendship bongs
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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