Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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