apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
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I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
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You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....