so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
These Are 23 Of The Most Uncomfortable Questions You Can Ask
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
The 17 Most Horrible Things Said To Online Daters
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.