Texts From Last Night

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  (415): View more from California

  Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.

  (503): View more from Oregon

  Cooked or uncooked?

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  (415): Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep. (503): Cooked or uncooked? http://tfl.nu/xhai
  Replies (12) Good night (3998) Bad night (647)
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  (706): View more from Georgia

  You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over

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  (706): You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over http://tfl.nu/x2t5
  Replies (318) Good night (5495) Bad night (2986)
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  (857): View more from Massachusetts

  I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?

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  (857): I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars? http://tfl.nu/0mdx
  Replies (56) Good night (26489) Bad night (1655)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad

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  (732): I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad http://tfl.nu/c88e
  Replies (15) Good night (4644) Bad night (869)
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  (702): View more from Nevada

  Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".

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  (702): Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes". http://tfl.nu/tjre
  Replies (3) Good night (747) Bad night (2811)
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  (631): View more from New York

  Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.

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  (631): Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants. http://tfl.nu/35y8
  Replies (9) Good night (2510) Bad night (965)
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  (616): View more from Michigan

  Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?

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  (616): Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive? http://tfl.nu/dksl
  Replies (3) Good night (1819) Bad night (552)
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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?

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  (704): HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES? http://tfl.nu/cu3x
  Replies (8) Good night (2029) Bad night (845)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST

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  (248): THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST http://tfl.nu/uts3
  Replies (5) Good night (1634) Bad night (539)
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  (817): View more from Texas

  You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.

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  (817): You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres. http://tfl.nu/or4y
  Replies (3) Good night (1686) Bad night (299)
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...

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  (617): Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed... http://tfl.nu/fkp9
  Replies (7) Good night (1309) Bad night (581)
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  (901): View more from Tennessee

  She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.

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  (901): She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right. http://tfl.nu/eqzr
  Replies (7) Good night (959) Bad night (295)
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  (705): View more from Ontario

  He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.

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  (705): He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously. http://tfl.nu/od66
  Replies (3) Good night (396) Bad night (151)
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.

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  (508): Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER. http://tfl.nu/dcuo
  Replies (0) Good night (179) Bad night (337)
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.

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  (202): Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone. http://tfl.nu/t31y
  Replies (25) Good night (245) Bad night (850)

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