I think im going to throw up on grandma
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.