you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
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So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
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I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.