clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
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i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
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you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch