Texts From Last Night

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  (803): View more from South Carolina

  definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.

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  (803): definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him. http://tfl.nu/8psn
  Replies (23) Good night (812) Bad night (4473)
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  (435): View more from Utah

  it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.

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  (435): it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush. http://tfl.nu/c95w
  Replies (36) Good night (1411) Bad night (5366)
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  (209): View more from California

  you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...

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  (209): you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom... http://tfl.nu/nw55
  Replies (9) Good night (3632) Bad night (1300)
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  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'

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  (902): Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp' http://tfl.nu/0a7v
  Replies (8) Good night (1305) Bad night (3906)
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.

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  (770): Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever. http://tfl.nu/w4kd
  Replies (7) Good night (2647) Bad night (1272)
• Favorite

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!

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  (413): Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?! http://tfl.nu/jygw
  Replies (18) Good night (2056) Bad night (684)
• Favorite

  (+61): View more from Australia

  Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.

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  (+61): Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride. http://tfl.nu/wxrx
  Replies (6) Good night (1634) Bad night (567)
• Favorite

  (319): View more from Iowa

  Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here

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  (319): Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here http://tfl.nu/2efd
  Replies (3) Good night (502) Bad night (1057)
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...

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  (724): Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out... http://tfl.nu/jn6b
  Replies (2) Good night (448) Bad night (957)
• Favorite

  (937): View more from Ohio

  Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.

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  (937): Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12. http://tfl.nu/tqh0
  Replies (0) Good night (707) Bad night (319)
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.

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  (248): I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade. http://tfl.nu/28nt
  Replies (0) Good night (669) Bad night (363)
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person

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  (817): My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person http://tfl.nu/r4rm
  Replies (3) Good night (1368) Bad night (473)
• Favorite

  (805): View more from California

  It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!

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  (805): It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT! http://tfl.nu/78gh
  Replies (5) Good night (1424) Bad night (528)
• Favorite

  (216): View more from Ohio

  After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory

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  (216): After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory http://tfl.nu/ao8l
  Replies (6) Good night (909) Bad night (420)
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  When in doubt, it's too much cheese

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  (330): When in doubt, it's too much cheese http://tfl.nu/wnpd
  Replies (11) Good night (294) Bad night (472)

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