dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
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Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
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If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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