I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
