I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
