just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
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How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
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Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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