you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
This is the high leading the old right now
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
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