I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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