Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
