If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
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