I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
