He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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