p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I think your dad took our porno
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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