it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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