I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Randomize
