i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
