Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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