my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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