If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
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That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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