how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
