Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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