We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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