Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
