you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
