He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
