Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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