Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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