sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize