Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
