I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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