Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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