Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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