While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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