Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
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