I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
